


The "Promposal" Incident

by SasukeUzumaki



Series: The Incidents: Naruto and Sasuke's Strange Relationship Milestones [11]
Category: Naruto
Genre: :), I'm sorry but also not sorry., M/M, please don't yell at me?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 12:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14811293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SasukeUzumaki/pseuds/SasukeUzumaki
Summary: Sasuke's weird. He offhandedly mentions he doesn't want a very large and very dramatic promposal that people want to talk about for the rest of the year. Naruto takes it as Sasuke wants a very large and very dramatic promposal that people want to talk about for the rest of the year. Sasuke never, in his life, expected this.





	The "Promposal" Incident

**Author's Note:**

> Before you read this, I'd like to say thank you for reading! Don't get mad, the end note will hopefully make people not mad about things. With that said:
> 
> This is the last installment of the series! Hooray, you survived! :)
> 
> End note makes for happy, but please read this garbage! I would very much appreciate it.

“ _No, no, no, no, no, no, no”_ A string of high pitched no’s is heard, the source making his way through the hallway.

A woman stares blankly at the man in front of her, expecting an explanation. The man smiles.

“It’s okay, Sasuke.”

Sasuke pounces Naruto, climbing him like a tree. He stops halfway, wrapping his arms around Naruto’s head as he glares at the woman.

“Mine.” Sasuke hisses.

The woman’s eyes dart between the two men.

“Yeah, he does that.” Naruto’s still smiling.

“Uh…” She continues to stare in confusion.

“It’s work related, Sas.”

Sasuke growls.

“Sasuke.” Naruto sings out.

“You want me to get him down…?” She asks hesitantly.

“Keep your hands off me, and him.” Sasuke moves to look Naruto in the face. “You hear what she said?” Sasuke glares at her again. “She’s going to assault me. We should throw her in jail. We should make sure she never sees the light of day again. She’ll go to a jail without windows.”

“Pretty sure all jails have no windows, Sas.”

“No, no, some do. That’s where they throw the people that don’t like the world. Or that are looking for, like, UFO’s or something – just for torture. It’s a torture technique, haven’t you heard? Anyways, we should throw her in one of them that _doesn’t_ have windows – do you hate nature? Because maybe we should throw you in one with windows.”

“Uh… no, I don’t.”

Sasuke laughs. “You fool! The ones without windows are actually rat infested! And they have to decide who’s king every third Wednesday of the month! And you’d never make it. You’re doomed to be a pleb for the rest of your stupid life.”

“Are you breathing?” She asks.

“He generally doesn’t.” Naruto answers.

“You’re not very bright, are you? The rats will not make any exceptions for you. You’ll die within a day, possibly two seconds, they can _smell_ stupid. Trust me, I’ve been to jail. I was king for _two terms._ No one else has been king that long! You want to question me? You _dare_ question me?” Sasuke raised his voice.

“Is he okay?” She points at him.

“Never, at any point, is he okay,” Naruto pats Sasuke’s thigh, which is still hugging him tight because apparently Naruto’s a good perch, “he’s mine, though. I take him as he is.”

Sasuke gasps.

“Really?” He says excitedly.

“Yes, really.”

Sasuke hops off him.

“Even though you can’t return me with the damage discount?” He tilts his head a bit.

“Sasuke, you never had a damage discount. I had to pay a premium, you know that.”

Sasuke lights up.

“I’ve never had anyone pay a premium.” He tears up.

“I’ll gladly pay another one for you.” Naruto says.

“Will you give me money, then? I would very much like to buy a sugar cane plant.”

Naruto has to pause to think.

“Um, why do we need a sugar cane?”

“We’d be rich, live off our own resources.” Sasuke clasps handfuls of Naruto’s shirt.

“Not sure we can live off of sugar, Sas.”

“We’ll be hailed as kings.” Sasuke whispered.

Naruto pats Sasuke’s head.

“Alright, Sasuke, we’ll talk about it.”

Sasuke beams.

“Thank you for your consideration, my good sir.”

He throws a healthy glare at the forgotten woman.

“So, uh… about the curriculum revisions…?” She starts hopefully.

Sasuke sighs. Story checks out. Work, ugh.

“I’ll be somewhere on this plane of existence when you’re done here. But only for a moment, then I leave for the void to scream for half hour.”

“Of course, void time, how could I forget?” Naruto kisses his nose. “I’ll be with you faster than you can blink when I’m done.”

“That’s physically impossible, but I’ll hold you to it regardless.” Sasuke swivels on his heels to leave.

Sasuke continues toward his class. Stupid work, making his Naruto talk to other people. He glances up at the two students hugging in the hallway. The banner in the male student’s hand suggested –

“Promposal.”

Sasuke says the word like a curse. Promposals are the most stupidest thing Sasuke’s ever heard of, he has no idea why people do that! What’s the point? Chick’s gonna expect something better than that later on… if they make it to later on, that is.

“What’s up?” Naruto slides beside him.

“Promposals.”

Naruto looks at Sasuke.

“Don’t like them?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“A promposal once killed my uncle.”

Naruto waits patiently for the rest of the story.

“That’s it?” He asks.

“That’s all it needs.”

Naruto sighs.

“I take it you don’t want a promposal?”

“No, of course not. I don’t want a very large and very dramatic one that people want to talk about for the rest of the year.”

Naruto takes this as Sasuke wanted a very large and very dramatic one that people want to talk about for the rest of the year.

“That’s too bad. I might have done something.”

Sasuke whips his head toward Naruto.

“Why not?” He asks.

“Oh, do you _want_ a promposal?” Naruto asks innocently.

“No.” Sasuke crosses his arm, but the side glance he casts Naruto proves otherwise.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Naruto smiles.

“Okay.”

* * *

“Hey, Sakura, I’m trying to come up with a promposal for Sasuke.”

“Why?” Sakura asks, “Ask him out like an adult. I mean, you _are_ dating, right?”

“Yes, we are,” Naruto explains, “but Sasuke wants one, and I don’t want to upset him.”

“No one wants to. He’s on another level, I’m surprised you fuck that thing.”

“He’s not a thing,” Naruto defends, “he’s my thing.”

“Yeah, I got that.”

Naruto sighs dejectedly.

“I have no ideas as to what to do.” Naruto frowns.

“Just do something, I’m sure he’ll appreciate it.”

“Sakura, he’s the kind of person that won’t pretend to like something. In fact, he’ll say, to your face, how much he _doesn’t_ like something.”

“Sucks to suck, Naruto, can’t help you.”

Naruto narrows his eyes.

“Traitor.”

“Besides, the larger you make this, the larger he’ll want your proposal.”

“I’m sure the shock of the proposal will negate any lack of pizzazz my proposal will have.”

“You said he says if he doesn’t like something.”

“Different situation, Sakura. I’m asking him to prom, not asking him to marry me.”

Sakura shook her head.

“You got me.”

* * *

Naruto always wants desperately to please his tiny maniac. The issue always came in the form of _what the fuck do I do I’ve never known what I’m doing at any point of my life AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA_ – you get the point. Naruto’s basically always screaming internally.

He frowns. What were kids these days even _doing?_ He had to do something completely different. He wanted to see Sasuke genuinely happy and maybe slightly tiny bit impressed, but that might not happen. Sasuke’s smile usually does the trick.

Naruto has no idea!

* * *

As prom draws closer, Naruto begins to panic. He claws on desperately to any semblance of an idea that passes through his head of his. He tries to think, think, _think Naruto Uzumaki you son of a_ wonderful woman, he’s heard great things, actually, _you’re better than this!_

Naruto hopes he can come up with something, anything, something so amazingly wonderful…

Maybe he’s thinking about this all wrong! Maybe not big, but –

* * *

Naruto has 1 (one) chance to get this right.

He’s situated in the courtyard. He had hinted throughout the day for people to be there during his and Sasuke’s lunch. He hopes Sasuke shows up, because his efforts are wasted if he doesn’t.

Luckily, Sasuke does. Which is good, because Naruto has a guitar and is about to make a fool of himself in the name of love, which is as God intended.

See, he had decided to go not big, but cheesy. He knew his love would appreciate a good cheesy promposal. That’s why he’s playing guitar, in the middle of the courtyard, singing, to Sasuke, hoping it’s okay.

Sasuke’s tearing up, though. Naruto’s so nice and kind and Sasuke’s blessed to even be in his presence much less have Naruto’s entire being focused on him at moments such as this, where he works so hard to show his appreciation of Sasuke’s godlike awesomeness. Sasuke is fucking perfect, and Naruto acknowledges this, and even now sings praises. He’s perfect, absolutely perfect.

Naruto places his guitar down when he’s done. He approaches Sasuke.

See, this is where Sasuke prepares himself to pretend to not want to go to prom before laughing and saying of course he will, he didn’t need to make a fool of himself.

What he wasn’t expecting was this.

“Will you marry me?”

And suddenly it’s not funny. It’s serious. It’s…

“Me?” Sasuke asks quietly.

“Um, yeah. You. You!” Naruto gestures to the box.

“Why.”

Naruto looks at Sasuke questioningly.

“What do you mean, why? Sasuke, you’re the best thing to happen to the world, and most definitely me.”

“But I’m weird.”

“And cute. Very cute.”

“And I can be mean.”

“But I love you.”

Sasuke stares at the ring in disbelief. He doesn’t… he doesn’t deserve this! Sure, he loves Naruto, but there’s no possible way.

“I’ll… I’ll burn the marriage license. You’ll have a bitch of a time trying to return me after that.”

“Go ahead,” Naruto replies, “I have no intention of returning you.”

“I uh… uh…”

This is so much! So much for Sasuke. He had no idea. He wasn’t expecting…

“You have to let me be Uzumaki, though.”

Naruto smiles brightly.

“You’ll be my Uzumaki.”

Sasuke chokes up. Naruto’s. Naruto’s Uzumaki. He’s never wanted anything more, why is he still standing here, staring at Naruto as if he just asked Sasuke to sell their first born physically impossible – improbable, Sasuke can sure dream - baby for crack money.

“Y… yes?”

Naruto starts to laugh.

“You sound unsure there, bud.”

Sasuke nods.

“Yes. I’ll marry you.”

Naruto pulls Sasuke into a warm embrace. A loving one. One where Sasuke swears he belongs. Finally belongs.

Everyone around is clapping. Sasuke closes his eyes as he leans in to Naruto. This is everything he’s ever wanted.

Naruto slips the ring on his finger – pretty! Oh his god, it’s pretty! – and kisses it gently.

“You’ll be my queen bitch, Sasuke.”

Sasuke’s smile wobbles with emotion.

“I’ll have it no other way, daddy.”

* * *

“What is this.”

Sasuke pops his head into the kitchen.

“Oh, that? He’s Rohsemayrie.”

“Why did you buy it.”

“We’ll be rich!” Sasuke grabs the sugar cane. He pets the pot lovingly. “The world will be our oyster.”

Naruto chuckles.

“Alright, fine. What else did you buy, though?” Naruto looks at him.

“Nothing.”

Naruto panics at the lack of rant.

“Nothing.” Naruto asks.

“Nothing.”

“What new that’s in the house?”

Sasuke inhales deeply. Oh boy.

“You see, there was this merchant, and he was selling these second – or third, I couldn’t tell – hands,”

Sasuke continues ranting. Naruto watches him affectionately. Best wife he could have ever had.

…except the whole thing where he brings random unidentified snakes in the house, but he's trainable.

**Author's Note:**

> THEY'LL BE BACK! IN THIS AU! Yes, THIS series is over, but there'll be one of them after they're married, since they don't have many milestones to reach now, huh?
> 
> Anyways, that series has no name as of yet, since I haven't written any of it! But it'll actually help me! I've felt a little stuck with how this progressed, so I feel I'll be a bit freer to write after I end this one.
> 
> Thank you all for reading this! Look out for the next series, whenever that manages to pop up.


End file.
